I never thought that this would happen, yet here I am about to share my story ......
Pictures are deceiving ...... This was taken a few days after. I was blessed to meet and stay with a lovely family which helped me feel safe
Firstly it is very important for me to share that travelling alone is not unsafe, Sri Lanka is not unsafe..... this experience is purely a manifestation of the wounds from my Childhood.
I have been on a healing journey for a few years now
I have navigated many wounds within me
Processed lots of trapped emotions
Got very good at Self soothing
Very good at navigating emotions
Learned so much about my body that the connection is strong
I have buckets of tools and techniques in my pockets
YET...... What happened in Sri Lanka wiped me on my ASS
So what did happen? 😳
To some this may not be big, but to me, my nervous system and what I have experienced through Childhood, this one caught me big.
Some may know of my many experiences with Men, specifically in certain countries; Dubai, Morocco, Malaysia...... and now Sri Lanka 😢
Without going into too much detail in the blog I would give you the synopsis, at the end I will share a link to a video I made when I was in an extremely vulnerable state.
I was joined by Mum and while walking down one of the streets at night in a tourist spot we witnessed something unpleasant regarding a male
The next day in another area we experienced again something horrid with a shop owner
That same evening after dinner we were approached by Men making a sexual statement to us
By the point the 3rd experience had happened my Nervous System was already a mess and I wanted to get out of there.....
Continue to read as I have some REALLY important sharings
To get the full story you can watch this video here https://youtu.be/mLz1YPITCzE?si=vHuFqbM-QqrSH63P
If you have done so much healing why did this happen you may ask?
So this is the thing
I am 38, I have experienced many traumatic events, as we all do, some more impactful than others.
I have navigated Triggers over the last few years, so much so that I have become quite good at working with them.
However this one was different, this one really shot my Nervous System
This one really had my Mind in some different way, which created even the sensations in my body, which was awful.
It is crazy as my mind was not so crazy like it ever was, *( I used to really suffer as an overthinker) yet the thoughts that came, even though they were passed through quick using my techniques they held power in my body 😳
The fact that these happened scared me a lot 😢
I wasn't able to leave the country at the point I wanted to and ended up staying longer alone.
When I looked at any Man I felt so angry and sick....
I know it sounds crazy and I really am only sharing a slither of the story. Maybe I will share this story in parts 🤨
However the main point I wanted to share is that......
💖The connection to my body and the healing journey I have been on allowed me to manage all that was going on.
💖I was able to honour immediately when arriving in Kandy to tell the Hotel staff and people in the lobby that if they hear crying or screaming it is just me moving energy....
💖I was able to be confident in myself to walk through the busiest street in Colombo full of Men
💖I was able to get through a few days travelling from Colombo to Kandy and back again, arriving in Kandy at 10pm at night
💖I managed to leave the country and when I got back into Thailand when they stamped my passport tears of relief ran down my face.
My tools and techniques really helped pave the way
I did lots of work to regain safety in my nervous system and all of my tools and techniques allowed me to journey deep into this trigger to process more emotions from Childhood Trauma that needed to be processed.
I got to the depths of the Trigger a few months after, and it all came back to feeling unsafe as a young Child, not related to direct abuse by Men to me but as a Family we were attacked for a while where we lived in London.
I realised this trauma and dysregulation of my nervous system runs very deep
Long and short is, the healing journey is NOT about fixing and floating around like a butterfly.
🦋Yes I am living a great life now
🦋Yes I support people on their healing journey
💖and you know what I believe is my biggest gift ?????
Is to share and show people that life is a Rollercoaster, things will happen, and I am here to empower, embody and support people to equip them with the confidence, safety, and tools to trust themselves and their journey on the Rollercoaster.
Yes it is not easy
It is a journey
However it is way better than carrying it all in your body for all the years, and just this experience reminded me of the importance of moving through and processing, as feeling disconnected and dysregulated is not how I want to live.
I lived that for many years
Most of the population are living like that and don't even realise
Feeling safety and equilibrium in my body showed me how life should be and feel, which is why I am so dedicated to this journey of self healing.
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